The day that I felt Jesus in my heart

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This morning we left Emmaus with Salem and as we were getting off at San Salvatore he offered Fray Oscar to take us in the car to Bethlehem after lunch so I could see it. After a very busy day in Jerusalem we went into Salem’s car and drove to Palestine to see the place where Jesus was born.

As we entered the city of Bethlehem I saw that it was mayhem, full of tour busses and heaps of people all around. We drove to the front of the church and the guards put the chain down so Salem could park in front of the church. I couldn’t help but look at him and said “Trattemento VIP com Salem” and we all laughed. The real VIP treatment started when we entered the church! There were thousands (and I really mean thousands) of people, one could barely walk in there but Salem went around the church saying hi to pretty much everybody and being his friendly self. Later that day when we left and were driving back Salem did what he always does, he started screaming out of the window saying hi to people so I once again looked at him and said in the best Italian I could “Chi non conoscere Salem?” (Who don’t you know Salem?) and it was then that he told me that he had been in Bethlehem for two years and knew so many people around.

Once inside the church Salem started shaking hands with every worker in there and guards just started opening locked gates for us.

In less than a minute from being in the church I was standing in front of the place where Jesus was born. First I visited the place where the three wise man appeared and then moved to the place where Jesus was born.

The line was huge and it was a little chaotic but thankfully the stairs that we took led us right in front of it so I could go straight there and touch it. The guides were a little aggressive telling people off to let their group go so I stood there and waited for a bit until there was a chance for me to get through, go on my knees and touch the place where Jesus was born. I quickly touched and left.

The "exact" place where Jesus was born

Fray Oscar then took me upstairs and we sat down, I remember telling him “It’s too bad it is too crowded and one can’t process feelings and get the whole experience” he agreed, and we both sat there in silence. Then, we went down and saw the Orthodox church; from there one could see the heaps of people waiting to go down to touch the place where Jesus was born. Fray Oscar then told me that he had waited for at least two hours with groups to be able to go downstairs… I am so lucky!

The line to go downstairs

The Orthodox church

Orthodox Priest

We ended the visit to the church by going to see the “Grotto de San Jerónimo”, where San Jerónimo would go and meditate, and going to the main catholic church.

Fray Oscar at the Grotto

The Franciscan Church

We then visited the Franciscan’s “Casa Nova”, the hotel in Bethlehem with an amazing view of Palestine from its dinning room.

As we were leaving we stopped by the door of humility.

Bethlehem was very special, as I stood seconds before touching the place where Jesus was born my heart started racing, it felt like it was beating out of my chest, chills went through my whole body, it was really quite an experience! I am not the somatic kind of person and I tend not to feel much in my body so this for me was a very strange sensation, I felt vulnerable, I felt moved, I felt like tears were going to come pouring down. Of course I did what I always do, I went to my head, I had a freak out moment, and immediately thought “what the heck is going on?” but then I wondered “Is this God’s way of telling me ‘I’m here?’, is this how Jesus is manifesting his presence in my body?”

I quickly touched the place where he was born, since people were pretty much on top of me and everybody was being hurried out of the there.

I had no time to process, I had no space to feel vulnerable, I had this very special moment but I was overwhelmed by the insane amount of people, and by the fact that I’m inflexible, and I cannot let myself feel, or let my walls down, and God forbid I cry in public!

With the overwhelming sensations of the moment and being confused with what had happened I didn’t really know how to react but the one thing I knew was that I couldn’t wait to go back to the monastery, get wi-fi, and tell my mom. She would love this place, she is the one deserving of this, not me!

That night I came back to the monastery exhausted by the long journey and probably by the weight of such a special day.

I whatsapped my mom and told her what had happened, she was so happy for me and said “Esos son los regalos del amor de Dios, que nos transforma aunque no sepamos que es lo que esta cambiando” (translation: “Those are the gifts of God’s love, that transforms us even though we don’t really know what’s changing) and she added “ Que maravilloso es el Señor con vos y quiere que te grabes eso. Te esta consintiendo” (transaltion: “How wonderful is God with you. And he wants you to know that. He is taking good care of you.) I have always always always known that I am beyond blessed and protected, but I always have linked that to my mom praying non stop for me and being “collaterally blessed” by her being such a strong believer of God. And, in a way I have never felt pressure to be that into religion since my mom pretty much does it for the whole family.

That night I went to bed early and by 4:30am I woke up (something that never happens to me), looked at the time, and couldn’t go back to sleep. Then, I reached for my computer and I just needed to get my feelings out of my chest, I needed to process, I needed to face what happened. So here I am at 5:26am crying my eyes out in front of a computer and still overwhelmed. I just read back what I wrote after I blew my nose and dried my face, I re read the sentence “She is the one deserving of this, not me” and tears just came back… I think I have a lot of work to do!

About Post Author

Andrea

Hi! It's me... Andrea! In 2016 I decided to drop everything and take a year to enrich my life and travel around the world. It turns out the world is just too big for 12 months! Still on the road and sharing my experience as a solo female traveler around the globe!